Questions, Commands, and Commenting

There are many things we already know about what is helpful and what is not helpful for children learning to communicate. Here is a short list of helpful ways to talk with young children:

Limiting the use of questions, especially the kind to which you already know the answer (“what’s that?”, “Is that a ball?”)
Limiting the use of questions that can be answered with one word (“Do you want a cookie?”).
Limiting the use of commands or directions to the times when necessary
Using commenting instead of directions and questions to interact with your child (“That’s a cow…he’s eating grass…mooo” instead of “Where is the cow? Put the cow on the grass”)
Commenting about what you are thinking, feeling, and doing as a way of providing a model for your child without pressuring him or expecting him to answer or do what you say
Substituting choices for questions ( “Do you want a banana or an apple?”) when possible

Many parents find it surprising to learn how often they are directing and asking questions of their children. One of the best ways to become aware of your use of commenting is to record yourself interacting with your child. You will be able to observe what happens to the quality of your interactions when you use commenting more frequently than questions and commands.