Coping with the Diagnosis
There are many ways parents typically cope with learning that their child has a hearing loss. Grieving and adapting to the loss of the dream of having a hearing child takes different forms for different individuals and families, but many stages in the process are common.
Feelings parents often experience
Common feelings that many parents experience when learning their child is deaf or hard of hearing:
Sadness: “I spent the first two weeks crying, almost constantly.”
Anger: “My partner goes off to work for 10 hours. I wish I could escape too!”
Frustration: “I feel as if no one really understands our situation.”
Disappointment: “My sister doesn’t know how to help me.”
Guilt and Self-Reproach: “I kept wondering what I did wrong to cause this.”
Anxiety: “I kept wondering and worrying if I was doing enough for him.”
Fatigue: “All I wanted to do is sleep; I felt tired all the time.”
Helplessness: “I felt unable to do simple tasks.”
Shock: “I could hear what the audiologist was saying to me but I had no reaction. I felt as though I was standing outside my own body, uninvolved in the situation.”
Yearning: “I wished for a perfect child.”
Relief: “I’m glad they were able to identify my baby’s hearing loss early so that I can do something about it."
Coming face to face with the reality of child’s hearing loss may look like:
- searching for a sign that the diagnosis is wrong or searching for a cure
- denying the facts or the significance/permanency of the hearing loss
- putting emotions aside while doing what needs to be done immediately
- feeling anger at professionals or others who bring the news of the hearing loss and force facing reality
Experiencing the pain of grief and mourning the loss may look like:
- fearing that your life may fall apart if you give in to the pain and so putting feelings aside
- crying for hours or days at a time
- stopping yourself from crying
Adjusting to a new reality may look like:
- spending time on the internet learning more about topics such as hearing loss, hearing aids, cochlear implants, early communication development
- wanting to talk with other parents of children with hearing loss
- feelings of anxiety decreasing and a feeling of control over your life returning as you learn how you can help your child
- letting go of the “dream” of the “perfect” hearing child and accepting your child with his/her hearing loss
- thinking of child’s hearing loss without pain (though some parents report they continue to experience sadness or longing from time to time, but it happens much less frequently)
Incomplete grieving can cause parents to get stuck in one part of the process and can stop them from moving forward in their lives. If you are experiencing some of the feelings described above, you may benefit from getting additional support. Many parents find it helpful to talk with other parents who have children with hearing loss. You can contact the BC Family Hearing Resource Centre and talk with Cathy Chow (604-584-2827 or cchow@bcfamilyhearing.com), our Family Support parent who can help you connect to other parents.